To My Sister

To My Sister;

You are my idol, you are my rock.

You don’t know how much of your phrases I repeat. You say something and I think it’s golden and words to live by (really, you wouldn’t believe my iterations of your words!).

I idolize you, you are my role model, my protector.

You are the goodness I want to be but know I’m not. I’m so proud to have you for my sister.

If I had to give a definition of what a sister is, all I would say is “Patty”.

I hate sharing you, everyone infringes on my time with you. But then I have to share, that’s what makes you, you.

You are my wisdom, my light, my sister, my world.

I would give you anything and I know you would do the same for me.

I trust you with my life and want to be with you for the rest of my life.

I wrote this letter to my sister 3 years ago, right before I moved back to our hometown and became her neighbor. These have been the most incredible 3 years of my life and I will always cherish our time.

One month ago today, my sister passed away from a rapid cancer. I’m sad, I’m heartbroken, I’m a mess. I hate the world. The person I was supposed to grow old with has left before me. I will find some way to honor her. I will miss her for the rest of my life. I love you Patty.

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I’m not mean

The other day I overheard a partial conversation between two men. The older man (probably 60’s) was saying middle-aged women are mean. I didn’t hear anything else.
Later in the day, the younger man (late 50’s) told me about the conversation. I said “We’re not mean! We’re just not taking your crap anymore”. Yeah, that’s what he said too, was his reply.
Why does that make us mean? Do men think we’re still mad at our ex’s and are taking it out on them? Not every single, middle-aged woman is divorced and some of us wanted that divorce. Some women are widowed and some have never been married. We’re not mean, it’s more that we’re not catering to them. We’ve realized we’re human in our own right, we don’t have to make dinner, clean house, take care of the kids AND work.
I’m not mad or mean. Men just need to step up to the plate and be the kind of person I want to be around. I want a well-adjusted, confident, kind, self-sufficient man. Oops, our secret is blown!

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WOW! Life happens rapidly as you get older!

Why is that? We should relaxing and enjoying everything. I have a ton of fun stuff I want to do but don’t seem to find enough time. I get it if you have a family and lots of family activities but I’m single, no kids. What’s up with that?
The only thing I can figure out is that being older I’m more aware of all the fun stuff to do, that I want to do. And there’s a lot of it. But I’m also aware of just taking it easy, I’m in no hurry so if it gets done, it gets done! If it doesn’t, oh well.
I have my “to do” list and no longer worry (well, I only worry a little) about moving a task to the next day, the next week or the next month. Then at some point if I decide that ‘task’ wasn’t so much fun, it gets deleted and I get to find something new.
What I’m finding more difficult is realizing life is changing and there are some activities I won’t be doing anymore or at least as often. Not because of age, just because things change, people change and new experiences get presented. But it’s all still an adventure!
Heading out in all directions

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Happy Valentine’s Day!

Whether you have a Valentine today or not, be your own Valentine! It’s a beautiful day, buy yourself something nice, be sweet to yourself today.

vday1-midlifemyth

You are beautiful! We are all beautiful! ALWAYS remember that.

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Words to (try) to live by?

In my search for topics for you I can across this list of Zen habit by Craig Ballantyne. It’s pretty good and pretty difficult, for me but is something to strive towards and I’ll have to adjust them a bit to fit for me and my chosen lifestyle. It’s a quick read and a good list, please take 5 minutes.
1. I go to bed and get up at the same time 7 days per week (9 p.m. and 5 a.m.) I do not deviate from this schedule unless it is due to an important (and this word is not used lightly) work or social function. I stick to a diet of whole, natural foods, avoid caffeine after 1 p.m., and avoid alcohol within 3 hours of bedtime.

Most of this I could do and I’ll just have to start drinking earlier. I like going to bed at 9 pm but the 5 am will be hard, I’ll shoot for 6 am.

2. I write for at least 60 minutes first thing every morning.

I only want to write for business and my blog. I’m changing this to read for 60 minutes

3. I do not check email before 9 a.m.

I like and I will try it!

4. I do not talk on the phone unless it is a scheduled interview or conference call.

I like but not too much. I will do business phone calls only during the business part of my day. But that doesn’t include my sister or mom.

5. I create a to-do list at the end of every workday and I follow that to-do list starting first thing the next morning. I also perform my daily readings at the end of every workday, and I write in a gratitude journal. I am thankful every day for identifying my mission and what I wanted to do with my life at such a young age.

I do the ‘to-do-list’ and have for 20 years. I like it. I won’t write in a journal, I did it once for a few months, but it’s not my thing.

6. I do not engage in confrontations with anyone, in-person or online. This is a waste of time and energy. If I have caused harm, I apologize and fix the situation. However, if someone simply doesn’t like something I have done or something that I do or disagrees with me, that is fine, but I’m not going to get into an argument about it. For any confrontation-like situation, I simply take a deep breath, relax, breathe out, and re-focus my efforts back on my work and goals.

I’m REALLY trying to do this one, but sometimes it REALLY difficult!

7. I am guided by these two phrases: a) “Nothing matters.” – By this, I mean that arguing on the internet changes nothing, I can only work towards the major, massive goals that I have set for my life…that I have a vision of helping others, and there is no time to let petty arguments stand in the way. b) “It will all be over soon.” – This serves me in both good times and in bad. In hard times, such as bad days, troubled times, or intense physical effort or discomfort, I know that it will all be over soon. A small amount of suffering now will be forgotten later when I will enjoy the rewards of my work. And in good times, I will remember that life is short, and I must make things count now, and no matter how good things are going I must never let myself become soft and lazy, because I have too much to accomplish in such a short time.
I like!

8. Everything that happens to me – good and bad – is my personal responsibility. I blame no one but myself. These are the choices I’ve made – this is the life I’m living. I will accept the consequences of my actions.

I like!

9. I will not stop until I have helped 1 Million men and women transform their lives – physically, financially, or emotionally.

Hmm….

10. I will not be a person I don’t want to be. I will not be petty, jealous, or envious, or give in to any other of those lazy emotions. I will not gossip or speak badly of others, no matter who I am with or what environment I am in. I will not be negative when it is easier to be positive. I will not hurt others when it is possible to help. I will know the temptations, situations and environments in life that I must avoid, and I will, in fact, avoid them, even if it means loosening relationships with others who “live” in those environments. It’s my life and that matters more than what other people think of me.

I like and I am still working on.

11. “I will always keep the child within me alive.” – Frank McKinney. I will laugh every day. That’s not hard when you have the friends – and dog – that I have. And if they don’t make me laugh, there’s plenty of comedy on Netflix.

Of course!

12. “I will write with honesty and feeling.” – Ted Nicholas. I’ve long since giving up caring about how others choose to judge me. What matters more than others’ opinions is the number of people that I can help by sharing advice and encouragement in my writing. The most powerful songs are written by songwriters who bare their souls. So screw it, let’s do it. Let’s put it all out there. I’m not going to help as many people as I could if I keep the “real info” to myself. I also understand now, better than ever, that sometimes you have to “write to repel” in order to strongly attract the readers you desire.

EXACTLY!

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For how long do I need to be DIVORCED?

Recently I had to fill out a medical application that asked if I was SINGLE MARRIED DIVORCED WIDOWED (circle one). I hesitate on these questions because, yes I went through a DIVORCE but I’m not going through it anymore, I was SINGLE prior to being MARRIED. Do I circle all three? Can I just go back to being SINGLE?
If I circle SINGLE does that mean I’ve never been MARRIED? What does that say about me? Why does it matter? Isn’t it odd that in our culture it’s better to be divorced than single when you get to Midlife? Does that mean I’m not too bad, somebody wanted me? Or does that mean I was stupid and made a wrong choice?
What about my friends who are single and have not been married? A guy is a “player” while a girl, well “something’s wrong with her”. Quite frankly, I believe something different. The girl is smart, confident, independent and the guy doesn’t have it all together to maintain a relationship! Don’t you love double-standards!
Not all of us will find that ONE person we want to spend the rest of our lives with, have children and grow old with. That’s okay, attitudes are trying to catch up with the times. We can have friends and family, have children as a single parent and grow old with our friends.
Next time I’m circling SINGLE!

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Sisterhood, Sister Code

Over the years I’ve matured in my ways and my thinking. I like to think I’m usually a pretty decent human being to my family, friends and oftentimes strangers. But I’ve come to be acquainted with a couple women (and I don’t really want to call them that) who haven’t progressed emotionally since they were about 12 or 14. So I’m going to help them out, and any others how may need some reminding. Another women is most likely your best friend, not always, but most likely. So let’s treat each other as such.

Here’s my rules:

 I will Tell her that her butt looks great in those pants – she’ll walk prouder and it WILL  look great!
 I will give up my seat to a pregnant lady or a woman with small kids on public transportation and help women with strollers up and down the stairs and I will hold the door.
 I will always let another woman know there’s no toilet paper in a toilet stall, or alternately, pass her toilet paper if she needs some.
 I will never sleep with another woman’s man. And I will tell my girl friends if their man is stepping out on them.
 I will not engage in body-snarking another woman, either behind her back or to her face.
 I will always offer up my single man friends to my single ladies. Just because I don’t want them doesn’t mean one of my girlfriends won’t!
 I will like her boyfriend/husband because she does.
 I will always have a shoulder and never judge her…this is difficult but important, no judging.
 I will let my friend win an argument because I care more about her than the subject we’re discussing (still working on this one!).
 No flirting, trying to steal or any other bitchy/narcissistic girl behavior. Just do go there.
 Look out for each other.

I snitched some of these from other ladies. If you have more please comment!

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When did you get that haircut?

How long have you had your current hairstyle? Has it been more than 2 years? More than 5 years? Please don’t tell me you’ve had it for over 10 years! We get new clothes, we get new cars, we get new shoes (a ton of new shoes), but we forget about a new hairstyle.

Your cut may look good but I’m sure there’s another cut that will look good too. Change is GOOD! Go get a new hairstyle! Plus, IF your cut is over 5 years old you are way overdue – get updated.

Today is the first (working) day of the New Year and I believe this will be a year of changes, good changes. Let’s get back in shape (remember, your shape doesn’t have to be model perfect, just healthy), let’s work on those friendships we’ve neglected.
Do you have a friend you just love but haven’t seen in a while? Call him or her and get together. If they are in another state – drive or get on a plane or even a train.

Change your furniture around (I personally love this one – you get a new house with little effort!), change your schedule (this is a good one too!). Move, if you want to. Change your route to work!

Change is healthy and fun, don’t be afraid, just do it. Call your stylist NOW and you might as well go visit the make-up counter at your favorite department store – I’ll bet your make-up needs an update too. But don’t fall for the outrageous beauty claims, save your money.

Here’s to a beautiful, healthy you!

My hair appointment is set for Monday!

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RE-Resolutions

Well, it’s that time of year again and we all have to come up with things we’re going to change in our lives. I hate doing resolutions and always thought I refused to participate (see last year’s post!). I was wrong so now I’m just going to give in and officially do one!

I had great hopes earlier this year about all the fun things I was going to do and the healthy lifestyle I was going to have…well, most of that didn’t happen. Oh well, time to re-invigorate myself. I’m going to start my resolutions now, why wait 2 more weeks?

Here it is…I WILL exercise better, that’s it, nothing else. I must take some credit though – I did start my new business this year…check it out www.socialesemarketing.com

 

What’s your re-resolution?

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Road Trip!

I recently got back from my first solo road trip. Solo in the sense it was me and my dog. The trip was fun. I went to California to visit friends and family. I’m very proud of myself for going alone, I never would have done that in the past and I must thank my dog for giving me the courage! It’s intimidating stopping at rest stops and hotels without a 95 lb power dog with you. I would stop at the rest stops and park near the truckers (fewer people on that side and usually closer to the ‘pet area’). NO ONE attempted to talk with me!  Did you know they have ‘beggars’ at rest stops in California (how do they get there? The stops are in the middle of nowhere) and in Oregon there are people hanging out on the side of the freeway (yes, freeway, not highway) chatting? This trip was enlightening in so many ways!

 

I was talking with my sister, the other day, about a book I’m reading and was telling her about the husband in the book and mentioned that I am so glad I don’t have anyone like that in my life (the character is a self-centered ass, but I’m not done with the book so I don’t know if he redeems himself…can he?). I just don’t want to deal with men, or anyone for that matter, who is a pain in the ass, I’m done with that. You know what my wise sister said? She is so smart sometimes! She said this all started when I got my dog (thought I was going on another tangent, did you?). I give my affection to him and he returns it, unconditionally. Hmmm. I guess man’s best friend is woman’s best friend too!

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