Midlife Crisis Defined. Well, not really.

In doing some research I found some interesting articles. I copied parts and included the links…

The website of The National Association of Social Workers had an article from the book: Women at Midlife: Life Experiences and Implications for the Helping Professions:

  • …Given these factors, a range of themes emerge for women in this age group, the authors say. These include that:
    • Midlife is a time when many women come into their own, feeling grounded,   independent and satisfied with what they have. In one study cited by the authors, nearly half of women age 51 reported that their lives were “first rate,” and they experienced high levels of personal achievement and a new sense of adventure as parenting roles and other duties subsided. In addition, midlife women with greater ego resiliency—the ability to flexibly and resourcefully cope with stressors—were more likely to report life satisfaction, another study found.
    • Because midlife women are so diverse, significant in-group differences exist, the authors write. While many midlife women are doing well, certain groups fare worse than others. Midlife is the most tumultuous time of life for low-income African-American women, for example, and midlife women in ill health may have a particularly tough time.
    • The so-called “empty nest syndrome,” which describes the depression that supposedly arises when one’s children leave home, is far from inevitable. “More often than not, the positives of this period of life outweigh the negatives,” the authors write. Studies show that women in their early 50s often feel satisfaction that they’ve successfully raised and launched their children, a new sense of freedom and well-being, and a desire to tap latent talents and abilities.
    • Menopause is not a major trauma for many midlife women. In fact, “given some exceptions, most women report neutral or positive attitudes about menopause,” the authors write. This is not to minimize the physical changes that accompany menopause; however, research shows that the psychological impact of these signs is culture-bound, the authors note. Educational interventions, for example, can lessen women’s negative feelings about menopause and help them cope better with the transition.
    • Work is a psychological balm for most midlife women. Midlife women who are employed report better health, lower anxiety, less depression and greater subjective well-being than women who stay at home, studies find.
    • That said, women’s work histories are often erratic because of parenting and caretaking duties. Many women leave work for periods of time, work part-time or take low-paying jobs, for instance.
    • As a consequence, midlife women often lack sufficient money, and later, sufficient retirement funds. “Women who leave paid employment even temporarily to assume caregiving roles often get locked into a lower socioeconomic status for the rest of their lives,” the authors write. Indeed, women represent about 75 percent of the elderly poor, statistics show.
    The authors highlight where research findings diverge, and let the chips fall where they may. As one example, some studies show that sexual desire diminishes after menopause, while others find women enjoy sex more after menopause. And even if desire does decrease, other studies show, many women say they don’t mind that fact, the authors write.
    Indeed, researchers of midlife women have their work cut out for them, the authors say. Most of the data on people at midlife is on white men, and most research on women at midlife is on white, middle-class women.
    http://www.naswdc.org/diversity/women/032503.asp

then, from Businessweek…

  • Statistics from six recent major happiness studies reveal that as women grow older, they become, on average, sicker and sadder. This drop in happiness occurs regardless of whether women are married, have kids, are divorced, work incessantly, or live a life of leisure. Whether they are rich or poor. Gorgeous or average. Tall or short. American, Asian, or European. The trend holds true across the board, with the single exception that African American woman report being happier than they were in 1972. (For men, the surveys show, the opposite is true: they grow more satisfied with life as they age.)….
    http://www.businessweek.com/managing/content/mar2009/ca20090327_067541.htm

No kidding! Women still have to work, take care of kids, clean house, cook dinner and now we have to take care of our parents AND his!

Then this one I really like:
http://www.time.com/time/magazine/article/0,9171,1059032,00.html

Remember that show with Cybil Sheppard? It was fun and funny! I think she started this new and exciting idea of midlife.

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New Year’s Resolutions? Not in my backyard!

Well, the big day just passed! I love changing over to a new year. Have you set up any resolutions? No? Good! I think there is too much pressure to change something on just one day. It’s a recipe for failure. Now, that’s not to say this new year will be the same as last and nothing needs to change.
Some friends recently told me they set their goals for the new year on Dec 31st. I like that idea. They will layout where they will go on vacation, what updates will be done to the house, decide on any new cars, plug in the numbers for college educations. They know where and when their money will be spent. GREAT idea!
I’m not as much of a planner as that but I like this idea and I’m going to try it, at least part of it. No resolutions to quit smoking (did that in November about 15 years ago), no resolutions to lose weight (I’m tricking myself by saying I’m going to get in shape and run with my dog), no resolutions for housing updates – that’s a constant activity. It’s going to be a good year and we’re all going to make sure of that!
Go set some goals, for the entire year.

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Challenges

Sometimes we all get so busy with life we forget to live it. Jobs, family, pets, housework, yardwork, etc. Everyone and everything seems to demand our time and there’s nothing left for just me. I won’t even get into the procrastination I seem to easily do.
So I’m going to challenge myself with 2 goals this year. First is to get back into my 5 mm wetsuit which requires losing about 15 lbs. This will enable me to stay warmer doing one of my favorite activities – scuba diving. My second challenge will be to increase my body strength, in particular my arms/shoulders to help me control my shooting arm so I can advance to the next level in my competition pistol shooting. (note how both goals relate to things I like? That’s important).
Goals are good. They can keep you focused and give a sense of accomplishment when you met them. They are also good for scheduling ‘me time’ and not letting others rule your days. Just say ‘sorry, can’t do that, I have I to work on my goals’.
Pick 2 thing you want to accomplish next year, tell the world, then go do it. If you don’t get it completely done, no worries, just make sure it was because you who decided that, not someone else.

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Getting my body back and fun times!

Nothing like trying on a bathing suit to remind you how out of shape you are! Yuck! I couldn’t believe how I looked…makes me wish I was pregnant…just kidding, but really, I need to get back to working out.

I’ve been told that my body shape is not my fault – its hormones, though there is very little indication I’m headed towards menopause. I think it’s more the fact that I go to the gym once every 2 weeks and pretty much eat as much as I want…though it’s ‘healthy’ stuff, it’s a lot.

It’s important to do fun things, we all need to enjoy life. I’m off to a diving vacation in Mexico, hence the new bathing suit.

Scuba diving is an activity I finally started at 39. Why I waited I don’t know other than I thought I had to quit smoking which you don’t
but I did when I was 35. Scuba diving was an activity/sport I have wanted to do since I was 24.

What have you always wanted to do? What’s stopping you?

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Men and Age

I’ve been stewing for a week about what to say.  Finally I’m choosing my first topic. Men! Yes, I know “why do we always have to talk about them”?  I don’t know, but it seems we do so let’s get it over with so we can move on!

Specifically I want to talk about their age.

Four plus years ago I divorced a man who was 15 years older than me. Most of the marriage we were at different phases of life. I was 30 he was 45, I was 40, he was 55. He tried to be young at heart but we were really from different eras and always at different phases in our careers. Most of the marriage I was building my career and he was looking at retirement.

So we divorced and I dated a guy who was 15 years younger than me! Woohoo, way to go! That lasted four months. Then I dated a guy who was 9 years younger with 6 year old twins!  That one would last. NOT. We’d never be in the same phase of life! There were some minor dates in between but all were still younger than me.

Now, it’s been about a year and half since I’ve been in a long-term relationship (5 months or more, from my perspective).  And I’ve had plenty of time to think. Guys are difficult and confusing no matter what their age! Dating a young guy doesn’t make you feel young, that comes from within

Age is important, some people can bridge a huge gap but many can’t. It’s very difficult to do because often the other person is coming from
a different space, history, time, generation, era, whatever. You need to have some things in common and you don’t often listen to the same music if you’re 10+ years apart. You couldn’t have grown up together; one of you was already grown! Most likely you didn’t attend the same schools (maybe college, if you went back for more!), you won’t retire together, your bodies won’t age together (more on that one another time).

So, over the past year I have refused to look at men more than 5 years older. I often considered my optimal age preference to be about 40-50, but I’m starting to think even 40 is too young. So my preferred age range is now 45-55. I think a little err to either side is preferable.

No matter their age I have 2 key questions for dating – what’s their relationship with their mother? (use your own judgment on whether you run or not). And are they a far right-wing conservative? Fine if you are, we just can’t date. Same might apply to the far left but I’ve not dated any of them yet.

I’ll let you know how my new perspective works!

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Reinventing the Midlife Crisis myth

Chats about midlife for women and by women.

Welcome to midlifemyth.com! I’m starting this blog to reach women around 40 and on up…depending where you are in life it’s good to know
what to expect or just to listen to wisdom of other that have gone before!

And I want to reinvent this ‘midlife crisis’ thing. It’s not a crisis, it’s actually quite fun. I’ve been in it since about 38 years of age and I just turned 50 two days ago, oh my! Many changes have happened in my life over the last 12 years and I think there will be many more.

I look forward to sharing my experiences and hearing about yours!

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