I’ve been stewing for a week about what to say. Finally I’m choosing my first topic. Men! Yes, I know “why do we always have to talk about them”? I don’t know, but it seems we do so let’s get it over with so we can move on!
Specifically I want to talk about their age.
Four plus years ago I divorced a man who was 15 years older than me. Most of the marriage we were at different phases of life. I was 30 he was 45, I was 40, he was 55. He tried to be young at heart but we were really from different eras and always at different phases in our careers. Most of the marriage I was building my career and he was looking at retirement.
So we divorced and I dated a guy who was 15 years younger than me! Woohoo, way to go! That lasted four months. Then I dated a guy who was 9 years younger with 6 year old twins! That one would last. NOT. We’d never be in the same phase of life! There were some minor dates in between but all were still younger than me.
Now, it’s been about a year and half since I’ve been in a long-term relationship (5 months or more, from my perspective). And I’ve had plenty of time to think. Guys are difficult and confusing no matter what their age! Dating a young guy doesn’t make you feel young, that comes from within
Age is important, some people can bridge a huge gap but many can’t. It’s very difficult to do because often the other person is coming from
a different space, history, time, generation, era, whatever. You need to have some things in common and you don’t often listen to the same music if you’re 10+ years apart. You couldn’t have grown up together; one of you was already grown! Most likely you didn’t attend the same schools (maybe college, if you went back for more!), you won’t retire together, your bodies won’t age together (more on that one another time).
So, over the past year I have refused to look at men more than 5 years older. I often considered my optimal age preference to be about 40-50, but I’m starting to think even 40 is too young. So my preferred age range is now 45-55. I think a little err to either side is preferable.
No matter their age I have 2 key questions for dating – what’s their relationship with their mother? (use your own judgment on whether you run or not). And are they a far right-wing conservative? Fine if you are, we just can’t date. Same might apply to the far left but I’ve not dated any of them yet.
I’ll let you know how my new perspective works!