My Life is MY Life

Sometimes writing this blog is so hard. I want to share things, personal things. Things I’ve gone through over the last 10+ years – I think it’s good for women to share and to hear others feel the same way “I’m NOT an oddball”. But each time I think of a great personal story I get scared that no one will like it, no one wants to hear what I have to say, no one feels this way. Well, dammit I think other women do feel this way and I’ve got something to share! I will bear my soul! (LOL!).
When I got divorced I was so excited about being independent, doing what I want and only what I want. I don’t have to compromise anymore. One day between moving out and the divorce being final I saw this very modern couch and thought “I could buy that, I could really buy that and I don’t have to ‘ask’ anyone”. I DID NOT need anyone’s consent. Boy, that felt great! I furnished my house in everything I WANTED!
I was independent; had my own house, my own job, my own money and didn’t need anyone. Then why was I always thinking about finding another love interest? I think we all assume we’re going to grow old with someone and spend retirement together doing whatever it is you want to do in retirement. Well, it’s been a little while since I’ve been in a serious relationship. Sometimes I panic with the usual “OMG, what if I never find that someone?” I’ve never really taken that thought to heart but lately I have been thinking that it’s a very real possibility that I might not find ‘that someone’. That is a scary thought but you know what? I would still rather have MY furniture, MY house, MY job than be in a relationship that makes me miserable. I may be alone but I’m not lonely. I have MY family, MY friends, MY dog and My cats. I still get a little freaked but I just call my sister and she helps make it better. So, if a guy is going to come into my life he’s going to have his act together and be the man I want!